Yuki and Kyou's grocery errand
by Akitoa.k.a.Kito
Summary: Tohru has fallen ill and she needs Yuki and Kyou to buy groceries. Let's see how this unfolds. Please read and review!


It is another story that I found stashed away in my computer, but never posted up. It was originally in script format, but because it's too tedious to change everything by hand, I just replaced the colons to " says, " ", so sorry for the boring sentence structures.

So, I hope you enjoy it.

Tohru says, " Oh, Yuki! Kyou! I'm so sick. Please help me buy groceries.

Yuki says, " Don't worry, my beautiful princess! I'll retrieve groceries for you!

Kyou says, " And I, Kyou, will help slay the dragon!

Tohru says, " Dragon?

Yuki says, " Oh, do not mind my sidekick.

Kyou says, " Do not mind MY sidekick.

Yuki says, " I am not your sidekick.

Kyou says, " Oh yeah? I'll side kick you! (kicks)

Yuki says, " Ow! Stop kicking! I'll kick your ass!

(fights.)

Tohru says, " Stop! You're wrecking the room!

Vase falls.

Some plush thing falls.

Some make-up fall.

Yuki says, " Wait, Tohru, you wear make-up?

Tohru says, " Everyday. Why?

Yuki rubs Tohru's make-up off.

Yuki says, " Oh, good-Lord! She's hideous!

Kyou getting up says, " She's not that horri—OH MY GOODNESS!

Shigure pops out.

Shigure says, " Hello, homes! Or was it homers? Homies? No, it's homemakers!

Yuki says, " Shi…gu…re(points at Tohru)

Shigure says, " Hey! Who are you! Get out of my house!

Kyou says, " That's Tohru!

Shigure says, " I mean…you're so beautiful.

Yuki says, " You know, God makes liars choke on their words.

Shigure says, " Then Akito's got a lot of choking to do.

Tohru says, " I'm sorry that I look so ugly.

Kyou says, " You look uglier than me.

Yuki says, " Haha! You just insulted yourself.

Kyou says, " Oh yeah? Sidekick! (kick)

Shigure says, " No more! Go to the grocery store and buy some make-up.

(go off to grocery store)

Yuki&Kyou enter store.

Door closes shut!

Yuki says, " Kyou…

Kyou says, " Yuki…

Yuki&Kyou says, " I think we just got lost.

(few minutes later of panicking)

Kyou says, " I've got the ham!

Yuki says, " Pass it here!

Kyou says, " Catch!

Box of ham flies through air,

Knocks down old man's fake hair,

Yuki runs to catch the thing,

But a big woman ate the thing.

Yuki and Kyou kind of shocked.

Yuki says, " Um…throw me another one.

Catch.

Kyou says, " Next thing on the list is apple.

Look at the pile of apples.

Yuki says, " Which one is fresh?

Kyou picks up cornerstone apple.

Yuki says, " Kyou!

Kyou says, " What!

Kyou says, " AHHH! BIG APPLE WAVE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

The apples are like water! Gush gush gush!

Person1 says, " go on the poles!

Person2 says, " Stand on other apple piles!

Person3 says, " You're an idiot! That'll start more disasters!

Person1 says, " The apples made the manager crazy, which screws up the cash registers, which screws up the cashier's minds, which screws up the automatic doors (door keeps trying to trap people who try to run out), which screws up the whole world! We're all going to die! Armageddon! Armageddon!

Old man says, " Armageddon? Where! Ahh!

Yuki says, " I'm not going to run away! Not anymore!

Kyou says, " this is a pretty bad time to rebel! Well, goodbye!

Yuki says, " Come and get me! (Apples hit him.)

Woman says, " My baby!

Baby says, " Help me!

Woman says, " OH! He said his first words!

Apple consumes them.

Manager says, " Save the other fruits! Save them!

Catholic Priest says, " lead us not to temptation, but deliver us from evil apples…and…

Christian Priest says, " That's not how it goes! The prayer ends right there!

Catholic Priest says, " Not what I was taught!

Christian Priest says, " So you want a rosary race, huh?

Rosary race starts.

The grocery store is filled with so many apples…

Manager (to truck driver) says, " Stop pouring in more apples into the store!

Truck driver says, " You want more? Okay!

Manager says, " No! NO…glah glah (sinks in sea of apples.)

Grocery store explodes. Walls fall to floor. Live lobster escape to the sea says, "

Arial says, " My lobster friend is back!

Flounder says, " Where were you?

Lobster says, " Who cares! I survived through six car crashes and surgery on all six of my legs! (Everyone is freaked.)

Kyou from under table says, " Yuki? Yuki!

Sees yuki with arms out, tongue out of mouth, and apples all over him.

Kyou runs to him.

Kyou says, " Yuki!

Silence.

Pokes him with stick.

Yuki says, " OW! Is that how you would treat someone who's unconscious?

Kyou says, " Unconscious? I thought you were dead. I guess I did some wishful thinking, huh?

Yuki says, " What happened?

Kyou says, " the grocery store no longers exists.

Rumble rumble rumble…

Yuki says, " What was that?

Kyou sees bomb.

Kyou says, " don't worry! We can figure it out! With my brains and my strength, we can stop it! Now let's see, I think we should cut the blue wire.

Yuki says, " No, the yellow!

Kyou says, " I say blue!

Yuki says, " Why?

Kyou says, " Because it's my favorite color!

Yuki says, " Really? Me too!

Kyou says, " Oh isn't that so amazing.

Yuki says, " But give me the scissors! It's yellow!

Kyou says, " NO!

Scissors being fought over.

Snip! ….on the ………green wire!

Heart stops.

Yuki says, " Kyou, I'm experiencing a heart attack.

Kyou says, " Me…too.

Bomb doesn't explode. It stops at 0 says, "07 sec.

Kyou says, " Oh yeah! (heart pumps) We're just like James Bond!

Yuki says, " Let's walk out of here and be the "Unknown Samaritans" on the news.

Kyou says, " I like your thinking.

Right when they walk out of the grocery store…

POW! PLISH of ash in the sky.

Kyou says, " Run.

They run.

Reporter says, " "Unknown Terrorists" bombed a local grocery this afternoon. Investigators believe that these terrorists are from the Click Click Click clan, a clan that is known to vandalize buildings back in the old days.

Tohru says, " Who's the click click click clan?

Shigure says, " (sweats a lot. Hyperventilates.) I don't know! Don't look at me! I have no idea why someone would do that! Ah! (jumps out the window.)

Akito (outside) says, " (looks up) What a huge bird! Oh no! It's Shigure!

Shigure says, " Fat man falling! Timber!

Akito says, " I'm going to die this way! Why did the gods choose to kill me through the squishing of a fat man!

PLOP!

Shigure says, " Akito?

Akito unconscious.

Shigure says, " Gah! (pushes Akito into a nearby bush.)

Hatori says, " What was that!

Shigure says, " Ah! Oh, nothing! Just some old newspapers.

Hatori says, " I see.

Tohru says, " Ah! Shigure left a big puddle of sweat on the floor.

Kyou says, " You sure that's sweat?

Yuki says, " yeah, it could be –

Kyou says, " Yuki, we get it…

Yuki says, " Yeah, but let me spell it out for –

Reporter says, " We believe the suspects look like this.

Sketch of Shigure with elvis hair and Hatori smiles with an eye patch, a sword, and a fake parrot on his shoulder.

Tohru says, " Oh no! We have vandals in the house!

Shigure enters.

Shigure says, " What's up, homemakers?

Sorry for such a horrible ending, but I never got around to finishing it before my humor has left me. Thanks for reading and extra thanks to reviewers!


End file.
